So Kindergarten did not go great. Culley proved himself to be academically fit for mainstream school but he struggled from a social perspective. He had trouble connecting with his classmates, and teacher. I could tell he wasn't himself right away and his inner tension was building. His teacher and the rest of his team kept reassuring me that he was doing "fine", which I've come to learn is code for "he's not causing us any trouble".
Well, suddenly in March, I was getting called to the principal's office on a weekly basis, "Culley made a gun with his fingers!!" "Culley was kicking at the other children!" "Culley hit a classmate!" "Culley yelled at his teacher!" The principal was pointing the finger at me, wanting to know what was going on with him?! Good question. Maybe you should've listened to me in October when I told you something wasn't right. He was in crisis and nobody knew how to help him. His teacher and the principal certainly weren't going to take any responsibility for his behavior. In a private meeting the with the principal, she counselled me about "asking nicely" when I advocated for my child and that being aggressive wasn't going to get me what I wanted. She scolded be for not being grateful enough to his teacher for "bending over backwards" for Culley. She also warned me that I shouldn't expect the same preferential treatment for him in first grade. I was flabbergasted by her audacity but I had to shelve those feelings for time being. (I later learned that she'd become threatened and bristled when a mentor from the state department of education had come to the school the month before to consult with the staff on how they could improve their strategies for educating children with hearing loss. The mentor was not kindly received by the principal or the teacher).
The solution they came up with was to remove him from the situations that seem to cause him stress, which came down to free peer interaction time: the 30 minutes they all congregated in a huge room with little supervision and no directions other than to sit and wait before school started, lunch, and the bus ride home. Instead, during those times in school he was required to go the ILR room and we were encouraged to pick him up from school. I still don't know what ILR stands for but we called it "the quiet room". It's one where the kids, mostly special needs, who can't deal with the chaos go to interact and be supervised by an adult who is trained in Special Education. It did seem to immediately solve the problem and it was a nice alternative to the chaos of the other situations. I think most adults would prefer the solitude of the ILR to the chaos of the lunchroom. In the ILR room, they could play with toys and during lunch, the teacher would lead the 4 or 5 kids in interactive social activities. It was a relief to not have to deal with the stress of getting reprimanded by Lord Vader (as my husband and I now refer to the principal) and although Culley still wasn't exactly happy at school, at least he wasn't getting in "touble" anymore.
After about a month, his itinerant teacher of the deaf encouraged us to try to get him back into the "least restrictive environment" - that's EIP / IDEA lingo for requiring schools to help kids with special needs adapt to the same surroundings as their peers, rather than removing them from them. It was nearing the end of the school year and I dreaded another encounter with Vader but I bit the bullet and called another meeting with her. This time I made sure my husband was present so I'd have a witness in case she tried to bully me again. I "asked nicely" that they consider allowing Culley to choose, at least occasionally, whether he'd like to be with his peers or go the ILR room. I also suggested that the supervising adult keep a closer eye on him to help guide him on these decisions. My request was basically denied because he was doing so well with the new arrangement and that she didn't have the staff to give him the extra attention I was requesting.
We we all breathed a sigh of relief when the school year ended. I toured a very costly private school and my husband and I both met with the principal of the other public elementary school in town. The private school would have been a drastic change for him and our family, especially considering that Finn, being the rule-follower that he is, was perfectly happy under Lord Vader's reign. We got really good vibes from the principal of the other public school and it also has a wonderful reputation but she regretfully informed us that is was full.
We crossed our fingers and hoped for a better year next year.
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